David Taylor Gonzales

What’s the difference?

I love to run. As I approach year three of this journey, I look back at what running meant to me when I started: weight loss, a proving ground where I could test my own toughness, a way to reconnect with my physical self.

Now, as a father of 2 (my first wasn’t born yet when I hopped on the treadmill for the first time back in 2023) running means something entirely different. I don’t run to test my worth, my toughness, my resolve. I don’t run to lose weight anymore. I run because it is what my body was made for. When my legs turn over, even on the worst of a cold January morning, even when I think, “you’re out of your mind being out here.” I am certain that I am doing what my body was made to do.

I am not a gifted athlete. I never made my high school baseball team even though I tried out three years in a row. I played one year of middle school basketball. I loved football but realized I was too small for it after 8th grade. I gave up on soccer when I was 5. I tried skateboarding but was too afraid of broken bones to try anything riskier than a kick-flip on the sidewalk (I cannot do a kick-flip). I’m not a talented runner. I’m not chasing a Boston qualifying time, I’m not winning any local races in my area. But as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned that what I am willing to be disciplined and put my best effort into matters more than whether I am naturally gifted at the pursuit itself. Maybe somewhere deep inside me is a very talented but undiscovered powerlifter or gymnast (though I doubt it). But that’s not what I have become. I’m a runner. Not by good genetics, but by discipline and choice.

I wish I knew in high school what I know now about my body and about my own physiology. I wish 16 year old me could feel the endorphins after a tough threshold workout. I wish 22 year old me had fallen in love with the physical exertion and the early wake up calls on long run days the way 27 year old me did. But this post isn’t about regret. This is about how blessed I have been to discover something I’m passionate about.

I do not know if I’m one of the lucky ones or if I’m late to the party but I’m thankful that I discovered what my body is made for. Running is my form of worship to God. For me it is the physical embodiment of what the author of Hebrews wrote: “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us…”

So what’s the difference between purpose and meaning? When I think of those two concepts philosophically, I think “purpose” is a utilitarian pursuit and “meaning” is more abstract and existential. Purpose asks the question, “what is ___ used for?” Meaning asks, “why does ___ exist?” In running and in my life in general, I have found that being fulfilled in my work and personal life has come from discovering what makes me feel useful. I like feeling like I am good at something, especially if that something benefits another person. As an example, I love when I perform well at work. I feel like I’m effectively serving my clients but I also feel like I am providing for my family. It’s much the same with my physical body. What is the purpose for my legs? For my heart? My cardiovascular system? Maybe this answer is too simplistic or maybe I just haven’t discovered the full depth of the answer yet, but I believe the answer is to run. Finding that purpose for my body has helped shape me into the kind of husband father and man I want to be.

The question that I don’t want to try to answer is “why do I exist?” This is not because the answer scares me, rather, it’s because the answer is already solidified in Jesus Christ. I exist to live in right relationship with God and the people in my life. By Jesus’ death and resurrection I can be restored to a right relationship with God and live in loving obedience to Him. That is the answer to the existential question of my life. Running, lifting, even my family, cannot answer that question sufficiently on their own. Without Jesus, life is a long-suffered tragedy with no redemption. Because of Jesus, my life, despite the suffering, has sweetness like nothing I’ve ever known.

There’s a reason why the world seems to fall away so effortlessly when I’m running. It’s not because it requires intense focus. It’s because on most days, the morning run represents the intersection where God in heaven meets me on Earth. I watch the sun rise in the eastern sky at least three days per week. I see Him greet our little town in Missouri with a smattering of purple clouds, a light moisture in the air and in the grass, a little fog if we’re lucky. Even when most of us are asleep or too busy drowsily pouring coffee to look out the window, He gives us these incredible blessings anyway. He loves us in spite of our indifference.

Keep Going!

What now?

It’s a question I’ve been asking myself quite a bit lately now that I’m in between training cycles. With the marathon behind me and looking forward to some faster races in the spring/summer, I’m having some trouble coming up with an answer. I shared already how bulking provided a new training stimulus and I enjoyed the change of pace of it all, but now that I’m staring down the barrel of a new racing season and cutting some weight back down, I’ve found the off-season to feel a little awkward to navigate. I am not throwing down any 40 mile weeks right now and I don’t plan to do so until I get closer to my 30th birthday 50K (more on that in the future).

There is much value in being a well-rounded person. Not just in fitness, but in life. I don’t want to just be an encouraging manager, a fast runner, a loving father. I also want to be a servant-hearted husband, a dependable friend, a strong athlete. When I trained for my marathon, it forced me to focus almost solely on running. I did little else in terms of fitness. If I had time to train, I spent that time running. I had to neglect other areas of my life: I sacrificed Saturday mornings with my family for my long runs, I sacrificed strength in the gym for threshold workouts, I sacrificed quiet reading time in bed for extra hours of sleep to optimize my recovery. While this off-season has left me feeling a bit lost at times, it taught me the importance of looking at my life holistically. I am able to return, not just to strength training, but other things that bring fullness to my life: family breakfast on Saturday mornings (I’m always in charge of eggs and bacon), spending time studying God’s Word, weekend walks with friends and family, sleeping in on occasion, and reading fiction books.

Jocko Willink says that discipline gives us freedom. He’s right, to a point, but we can become enslaved to many things, even good things, if we idolize them. This includes running, lifting and nutrition. Freedom comes from Jesus alone. Discipline and obedience give us freedom only when they are yoked in service to the ultimate goal: obedience to Jesus Christ.

I realize I haven’t answered the question I posed at the top of this blog. What now? Plainly stated, this off-season is a realignment of my training goals in service of my primary goal: to live in obedience of Christ, to serve and love my family well, to be a better man each day.

Keep Going!

As I said in previous blogs, I decided to spend the weeks/months after marathon training bulking. My goal was to build as much muscle as possible while gaining as little fat as possible simultaneously. This was not going to be a “dirty” bulk, a term I learned recently which basically sounds like eating junk food while going to the gym. My diet in terms of content changed very little but the volume increased significantly. I started adding more egg whites to my breakfast, started eating whole milk greek yogurt more consistently, little things like that.

My goal was to gain 0.5-1lb per week. This meant my bulk would last somewhere between 5 weeks and 10 weeks. With the changes to my diet, my increased weight training, and my decreased run volume, I was able to gain 6.7 pounds over 7 weeks. My body responded very quickly to the stimulus changes which was a good sign, and somewhat surprising. I stepped on the scale this week at 180.1 pounds. Just by the 7ish pounds of weight gain, my VO2 max dropped by 2 ml/kg/min and I don’t want to lose my aerobic base as I gain weight. I’ll begin the cutting phase next week very slowly and I’ll be de-loading creatine as well. This will result in massive water loss initially.

There’s no way to no for sure without a scan or ultrasound, but I estimate that I gained 2 pounds of lean mass during this short bulking phase. That may not sound like a lot, but for someone who is focused primarily on running and is still a beginner when it comes to weight training, this was a big success for me. I found a lot of strength gains specifically in chest pressing movements, push-ups, pull-ups and curling movements involving biceps/triceps. I’ve always been pretty strong in my legs so the only noticeable change there was adding weight to my Bulgarian split squats. As I prepare for a new training block for Rock the Parkway in April, I am reminded that my goal is not just to run well today, but to build a healthy life that I can carry with me into old age.

Was bulking fun? Yes. I love to eat. I’ve been watching and reading a lot of Peter Attia content recently and one of the biggest health indicators as we age is muscle mass. As a runner, I haven’t given much thought to building muscle. I’ve devoted much more thought and energy to building a strong aerobic engine and my heart. I think this little post-marathon recovery and weight training block was really helpful as a reminder to be a well-rounded athlete and person in general. Yes, running is my main priority. No, I don’t plan on becoming a bodybuilder. But building muscle is for everyone and I don’t want age to dictate when I have to stop enjoying my hobbies. I want to run 30 miles on my 30th birthday but I also want to run 50 miles on my 50th.

Becoming a Dad has made me take the long view of my life. When I was in my early 20s I was a mess. I made up in my mind that I wouldn’t live past 30. Now, when I look into the eyes of my children I see the next 20, 30, 40 years of my life flash before me. I know that every day that I wake up is a tender mercy from God, I know that so much of this life is out of my control. But God has made me steward of my family and being a good steward as a new(ish) Dad means taking good care of the things and people around me.

Keep Going!

I wanted to dedicate a blog specifically to a full mile by mile breakdown to provide some context and talk about some of the lessons I learned throughout the training process. I’m writing today to give a full breakdown of the race. My brain has been scrambled in the couple of weeks since I ran, and I’ve finally found time to sit down and unpack different moments from the day.

I went into this race afraid of hitting “the wall”. Because of this, I asked ChatGPT how many carbs I should be eating per day leading up to the race. I overdid it. Because I did much of my training fasted, and even ran some of my long runs fasted (I did my 17 mile run with no gels, only the overnight oats I ate in the morning). Because of this, my body was very accustomed to burning fat for fuel.  My gut had no idea what to do with the extra carbs on race day. I was shooting for 500 grams on the Friday and Saturday before the race which was really difficult. I felt bloated and heavy over the weekend.
On Sunday morning, I woke up feeling fine, if not a bit heavy. It was 4:45 AM and I immediately ate my overnight oats. I went to the bathroom twice in the span of 90 minutes which I ascribed to race day nerves. However, with hindsight, I think it was foreshadowing of what was to come later.
When I got to Bass Pro, I did some light jogging around the parking lot. It was 28 degrees when the gun went off so I was wearing gloves and a long sleeve base layer over my singlet. Lane and I planned to meet at the 7 mile mark so I could toss my gloves and top layer to her.
I kissed her goodbye as the gun went off. The cold air was pierced with the sound of hooping and hollering from people around me as I started my watch and ran off into the front facing wind.

Mile 1: I took a gel within the first 5 minutes. Going back to my anxiety about bonking later in the race, ChatGPT advised me to take a gel early to top off my glycogen supply. I went out very conservatively, I ran the first mile in 9:02. I was getting passed by a lot of people, but I kept my eye on the prize: I wanted to pass people in the last 10K, not in the first 10K.
My shorts and left shoe came untied right before the first mile concluded. The gels were weighing them down and I had to hike them up every few strides. I tried tying my shorts as I ran but it was impossible with my gloves. There were aid stations every 2 miles so I decided to wait and re-tie everything then. I had to pee anyway, so I figured I’d knock all those things out and “reset” myself mentally.

Mile 2: I finished the second mile in 8:57. Both port-a-potties were taken so I stopped off, tied my shorts and shoes, and kept going. I knew I could hold it for a couple more miles. The shoes and shorts were not an issue again for the remainder of the race.

Mile 3-5: Mile 3 was right on pace, I was able to settle into my rhythm pretty easily after the short re-tie. I ran mile 4 somewhat quickly (8:56) because I knew the bathroom break was coming. The port-a-potties were occupied at the aid station but this was where I knew I had to stop. I had to wait in line for about 2 minutes which was frustrating. The anxiety of seeing dozens of people pass me as I hopelessly waited for a stall to open up was overwhelming. Mile 5 was 10:12, a full minute off pace. I resolved to make up the time lost over the next few miles.

Miles 6-8: These were strong miles: 8:55, 8:50, 8:50. As I said before, I was in “make up time” mode. More experienced marathoners might warn against this and advise someone in my position to hold back and make up for lost time in the back half of the race. Those people might be right but as a first timer, I was eager to get back to a solid pace as quickly as possible. At mile 7 I passed Lane and the kids and I gave her my top layer and gloves. As I passed by I told her, “we’re a little behind pace but we’ll make it up.”

Miles 9-10: I was running strong at this point but I settled back into race pace: mile 9 at 9:00 and mile 10 at 9:02. We were running down Jefferson and about to head east along the Greenway. This was the point where I picked up a stranger turned friend, a West Point graduate named Cody. We ran together for approximately 3 miles.

Mile 11: I noticed a rib stitch develop at this mile. I had become accustomed to running through pain like this so it wasn’t overwhelming, just something to monitor. I decided I might give myself an “off” mile if I needed it to let the pain subside before picking back up. This mile was still a solid 9:08.

Mile 12: This was my “off” mile. I ran it in 9:20. I thought the pain would go away here but it didn’t. I decided against giving my body more off time and picked back up to marathon pace.

Miles 13-16: These 4 miles were challenging with more hills than at any other point in the race up until now. We had several steep climbs, a couple downhills as we ran through the aptly named Southern Hills neighborhood. At mile 15 I started running with a new stranger turned friend named Justin. He’s a father of 3 who lives in Kansas. By mile 16, he left me behind. I was able to maintain marathon pace but that was no longer an easy task. The rib stitch was still present and I tried putting it out of my mind. I decided, “it’s not going away, find something else to focus on.”

Mile 17-18: Well, my brain responded and gave me something new to focus on. Bubble guts. Coupled with the rib stitch, my body went into full gastrointestinal failure. I was gingerly running with brief moments of walking at this point. By the time I arrived at the Mile 18 aid station, I was in full blown walk/run mode. I would fluctuate between moments of temporary stomach relief and overwhelming stomach pain that would cause me to double over and grind my stride to a screeching halt. Mile 17 was 10:37 and Mile 18 was even worse: 12:11.
I saw Lane and the kids at the aid station here. Seeing them cheer me on gave me some mental “juice” to keep going. As I passed her, I said, “if I can fart just one time, I know I can keep going.” I really felt like I had one bubble that just needed to pop so I could finish the race.

Miles 19-22: To my surprise, I rebounded. The pain subsided and I kept expecting it to come back, but it didn’t. These 4 miles put me back into the exact mental groove I needed. I didn’t feel good enough to make up for lost time, so after a brief moment to grieve what I knew would be a lost goal of breaking 4 hours, I settled back into my pace. Here are the splits: 9:06, 9:03, 9:09, 8:43.

Mile 23-24: Running mile 22 in 8:43 was a mistake born from a desire to make up time. I overplayed my hand and my body made me pay for it. I had to walk the majority of the next two miles. This was the second and final instance of total GI collapse in the race. Mile 23 was 10:44. Mile 24 was where the wheels completely fell off. At one point I had to lean up against a wall because of the stomach pain. I found myself getting emotional during this point, even shedding a tear as I felt my time slipping further. I kept repeating to myself, “Thankfulness, be thankful for this,” over and over. That helped me stay in it mentally. Mile 24 was completed in 15:30.

Mile 25: I was able to get back to running for this mile, I only had to walk for a couple seconds early in the mile but as we began our ascent up the final hill of the race, I was able to run, albeit cautiously for the rest of the race. I completed mile 25 in 9:30

Mile 26: I was proud to run this final full mile at race pace. I completed mile 26 at 9:11 pace.

Final kick: After two full running miles, it was time for the final push. I decided to go all out. I thought to myself, “the wheels have already fallen off twice, what does it matter if they fall off a third time?” I ran this final stretch at 7:10/mi pace, passing someone in the last 100 yards and proving to myself that this race was not lost due to lack of aerobic fitness, but due to fueling issues and overconsumption of carbs. I’m proud of how I finished this race and that’s something I will take with me into every race I run going forward.

There’s a lot of takeaways from this race. The main one is nutrition. I have to prioritize training my gut for the next race. I didn’t prioritize it during this block. I did most of my training fasted, I rarely ate beforehand except for my long runs. Even with the weekend runs, I only fueled beforehand once the long runs exceeded 12 miles. In fact, I even did my 17 mile run with no gels. My body was very accustomed to burning fat for fuel during training and my body didn’t know what to do with the extra glycogen available during the race. My heart rate hovered mostly in the low 140s which means much of the glycogen in my body was just fermenting in my gut, causing the GI distress. I could’ve probably loaded on carbs much more lightly (350g per day or so) and had plenty for race day. Assuming my heart rate is similar next time, I can go into that race confident that I don’t need to stuff my face with carbs.

Here’s an interesting statistic I saw: my bib was able to keep track of how many people I passed and how many people passed me at different splits from the race. In the first 10K, I passed 10 people and 97 people passed me (this was to be expected, given the bathroom stop). In the final 12.2 kilometers, I passed 26 people and was passed by 5 people. This race was far from perfect but I can hang my hat on having a really strong finish.

The biggest takeaway from this race is that I showed up to the starting line healthy and I crossed the finish line healthy. I am focusing on strength training this winter, lifting 3 days per week and running 3 days per week. I am looking forward to building muscle and running a strong half-marathon in Kansas City next April.

Keep Going!

26.22 miles. 4 hours 11 minutes 22 seconds. 6 Honey Stinger gels. 4 swigs of Powerade.

1,094.77 miles run in training. 165 hours 50 minutes 19 seconds in total.

93.75% of scheduled workouts completed. 23 speed training sessions.

Longest distance run in training: 19.9 miles (1.8 miles of this during a game of ultimate frisbee)

PRs during training:
5K at Run for Hope in Branson in July (20:29)
10K one random morning in September when I felt fresh (46:12)
Half-Marathon during a 17 mile long run speed session with Elliott (1:58:38)

VO2 Max increased from 54 ml/kg/min to 57

I have put off writing this blog because my brain feels so scrambled as I reflect back on this year. I don’t know how to fully encapsulate my experience in training, the race itself, the fueling issues, the support I received from my family. There’s a lot to say.

I guess I’ll start here. My wife is the most incredible human being on earth. Training for a marathon takes a lot of time and that has been one thing our family has had less of this year. She has picked up the slack throughout the year with the kids, with the family schedule and countless things that aren’t coming to mind right now.

“Do you want to run before dinner when you get home?”
I tried to do most of my runs in the morning before the kids woke up but whether due to sleep problems, sickness, or time changes, Lane was always willing to bend so I could go out and train. She would text me at work asking about what was on the calendar and how she could support me. I am incredibly grateful for the seen and unseen sacrifices she made throughout the year. She would listen to me ramble about random insights I had about my running mechanics, about how my strength training was going, what I was looking forward to when the taper started. It was all pretty boring but she has this incredible way of listening to things that are important to other people and making them feel like they really matter, even if the subject matter is mostly trivial or uninteresting to her. She knows I have a tendency to daydream and our marriage has provided me a place to dump those thoughts. She’s the best listener.

The week of the race we spent much of our quality time pouring over the course map, memorizing aid stations and nutrition availability at each, port-a-potty locations and talking about where she and the kids would meet me throughout the course. The radar showed a significant temperature drop on the morning of the race so we planned out where I’d give her my gloves and my top layer. We decided on Mile 7 which was about a quarter mile from our house. We could’ve spent those nights watching tv or leaving her alone to read a book, but she chose to make herself part of this process. I’m so thankful for that.

My mother deserves a mention. She ran the Suzuki Rock ‘N Roll Marathon in San Diego in the summer of 2001. Throughout my training she was generous with her encouragement, advice, and even took time to dig through old files and storage to find some memorabilia from her race. It was fun to talk with her about it and to celebrate this mini tradition continuing in our family. She texted me the morning of the race at 5:36 AM, “Breathe,” was all she said. It was perfect.

I have delayed in writing this blog because it feels like I need to capture every thought, every detail, everything I’m thankful for but the idea of waiting to post until I’ve done so is overwhelming. I’m sure I’m leaving out too much, too many people, too many moments. To anyone and/or to anything else left unsaid, thank you.

Keep Going!

10/26

The knee is still stiff but getting better. I’ve noticed that if I’m sitting with the knee bent more than 90 degrees, it’s really hard to stretch it back out so I’m trying to keep the leg straight as much as possible. I am going to run 2 miles after church this afternoon to shake the legs out and see how I feel.

Since this was just a shakeout, I kept the pace really easy and managed the run based on heart rate. Today, because the sky was overcast and the temperature hovered around 54 degrees all day, my heart rate stayed really low (average of 125BPM). That sounds great in theory but it meant that I couldn’t get my internal temperature raised and blood flow pumping to my knee so it never loosened up but it didn’t get any worse. I was able to run the entire time without breaks so this was a net positive.

10/27

Today I decided to rest. I noticed the knee was getting better throughout the day and I figured if I gave it one more full day off, I might be pain free tomorrow. I took a short walk around the office park but other than that, we focused on getting good sleep and eating carbs. I’m noticing that eating enough carbs is really difficult. I’m barely hitting 300g on a good day. I’m going to have to make a concerted effort to hit 600+ grams on Friday and Saturday.

10/28

I completed my 5 mile dress rehearsal in my full kit. Hilariously, this is my longest run of the week. My instincts were correct: the knee felt great when I woke up. Here’s the workout structure: 1 mi warm up, 4 mi @ marathon pace. The warm up felt easy and I completed the 4 miles at 8:36/mi, about 15-20 seconds faster than my goal pace. This run gave me a ton of confidence. Coming into the week with knee pain was not ideal to say the least so I’m really happy with today’s result.

The rest of the week is going to be heavily focused on nutrition and sleep. I doubt I’ll have much to report as far as the actual miles go between now and race day. Like I said, hitting these carb goals is really challenging without overloading on fat (turns out you shouldn’t carb load with ice cream and chocolate). I’m forcing myself to eat more oats each day and add more fruit to my diet. I’m eating an apple and an orange everyday.

10/29

I had to sleep in today. Joy is having some trouble sleeping and I don’t have a structured run or workout, just active recovery/mobility so I’ll jog to and from bible study tonight. It’ll be a 2 mile recovery run. I ate oats and an apple for breakfast, an orange for a snack, leftover egg/ground turkey slop bowl for lunch, and this evening I’m going to try to eat grilled cheese and tomato soup without adding too much fat to my macros (spoiler alert, that’s probably not going to happen because Lane puts bacon and avocados on them and who am I to argue with the chef?).

This meal is one of my all time favorites of the winter season. Anytime the weather is gross, and it’s wet and cold and grey outside, Lane makes a meal like this one to improve morale. I don’t know if there’s any science to it, but I swear it improves my mental health. I had a big grilled cheese sandwich and about a cup of tomato soup, just enough to fill me up without ruining my jog to bible study at 7 PM.

I just got back from bible study. Nothing to report on the run. My heart rate was slightly elevated on the way there because I was still digesting dinner but other than that, it’s another low volume day just like every other right now.

10/30

I wanted to catch up on some sleep today and we set a new routine for Joy to help her sleep. She slept through the night! Praise God. We all woke up in a good mood around 6:55 AM and it was fun to have a little extra time together as a family this morning before work. I’m going to rest today, maybe do a super light lift in the garage just to stretch the muscles a bit. Tomorrow is full rest.

I can tell I’m tapering correctly because my body is craving a long run. I have no fatigue left, just excitement and nervousness.

10/31

Today is another rest day. I’m getting somewhat sick of them. The problem isn’t just the rest, it’s the rest plus carb loading. I am finding it really difficult to eat sufficient carbs each day. I was supposed to eat 500-600 grams of carbs and I came in just under 500 grams. I am going to try to hit 500 or 550 tomorrow. We’ll see how the shakeout run goes, I think that’ll be a good indicator tomorrow.

11/1

It’s the day before the race! I woke up feeling really fresh and spent time with the family in the morning. Lane had to go to the DMV so I cuddled with Joy and watched Finding Nemo and then played with John on the floor while she was gone. We had a really fun morning.

I did a 3 mile shakeout and decided to run the part of the marathon route that goes through my neighborhood. They had all the signage out for each mile and it was fun to mentally simulate the race day experience as I went. I envisioned seeing Lane and the kids at mile 7, picking up a gel at mile 8, the sun shining down on S Jefferson as we approach mile 9. I’m excited tomorrow. I’m not nervous (yet).

We spent time as a family by going to the expo at Bass Pro after the run. It was really fun to see all the different businesses and nonprofits supporting everyone. I picked up my t shirt, a couple energy drinks, an iced coffee and talked to a lot of different people. A marathon expo is an extrovert’s dream. I had a lot of fun.

The legs feel good. The hay is in the barn. Now, it’s time to trust God. He’s in control of the results. I’ve trained well. I’ve tapered well. I control the inputs, He controls the outputs.

Keep Going!